I Don’t Know: Say it With Confidence
How to harness the power of everyday uncertainty
“I don’t know” is a common everyday response, yet these three simple words can cause great anxiety in certain situations.
Being unable to answer a senior manager’s question can fill us full of dread. Tough interview questions can cause us to fumble for answers. And a difficult Q&A session after a presentation can really dent our confidence.
This anxiety is perfectly natural. We worry our manager will think less of us, we won’t get the job, or we look foolish and unprepared in front of colleagues. Even if the question is outside our remit, we can still worry how people perceive us.
Perception is the key word here. The secret to saying “I don’t know” with confidence is to influence how people interpret your inability to answer a question. Let’s look at a few simple techniques to manage how your “I don’t know” lands with the others.
Open and Closed Responses
The first step is to manage the intent behind your “I don’t know.” If you control what you think as you say the words, you are more likely to influence how others interpret them.
Naturally, the least beneficial “I don’t know” is a closed response because it signals the interaction is over. This runs the risk of the questioner feeling that their query has been dismissed. They may consider you unhelpful, uninterested, passive or not a good listener.
Instead, think of your “I don’t know” as the start of a meaningful interaction. This turns it into an open response that draws the questioner in. From there, you can begin a discussion to arrive at the answer, or a solution to finding it. If you already have the answer but not at hand, simply ask for time to check your notes or consult colleagues.
You can also use this technique in interviews as it portrays you as a keen subject-matter expert with a thirst to expand your capabilities. At the same time, it credits the questioner for asking a great question that exposes a knowledge gap you are keen to fill. In some cases, this can even leave a stronger impression than simply answering the question itself.
That’s not to say there isn’t a place for a closed response. A short yet polite “I don’t know” can be useful to prevent someone taking a meeting or presentation off-topic, or taking advantage of a situation to push their own agenda. However, be careful how you use closed responses like this in a group situation.
Explain What You Know
It is rare to be completely lost for an answer. More than likely, we know something that can help the questioner, even if we don’t have the full answer itself. How you deliver this says a lot about you.
Whenever you build someone’s knowledge, you step into the role of a teacher. And the best teaching comes from inspiring people to discover answers for themselves. Therefore, rather than simply conveying a few relevant points, try to inject passion and storytelling that motivates the questioner to learn more about their own question.
Even if you are ultimately responsible for providing the answer, you can still use this technique to build engagement. In doing so, it can also help you build closer relationships with managers and colleagues.
The Most Interesting Lines of Enquiry
In some cases, the full answer may not exist yet. In fact, a vast amount of science hinges on this. As Jordan Ellenberg states in his Ted Talk, “I don’t know” is the right answer to some of the most interesting questions about the world around us.
Psychologically, a lack of knowledge drives human beings forward. It compels us to look at situations from fresh perspectives and consider a much broader range of factors. Searching for answers has the potential to take us to new and highly beneficial places.
Bearing this in mind can help you deliver a positive and passionate “I don’t know” that launches a new line of enquiry. The answer may turn out to be of significantly greater benefit to your organisation than you first considered.
“I don’t know” is also an opportunity to analyse the question itself. In particular, listen closely to the phrasing as it carries the questioner’s perspective which may give you a new angle to consider. You may even realise their question is better than your own, which greatly improves your approach to the challenge.
Also, remember that the process of arriving at answers improves us as individuals. Often, we don’t know something because we don’t understand it, which means we need to expand our knowledge and skills. That’s more than simply answering someone’s question. It’s professional development.
Define Your Focus
When we don’t know an answer, we often feel an urge to explain why. This runs the risk of sounding like an excuse. However, the urge is lessened if you deliver an open response. Either you immediately begin discussing the question, or you promise to come back to the questioner with an answer.
If you feel an explanation is needed, such as in an interview situation, keep in mind that not knowing an answer doesn’t mean a failure to consider or address something. It may simply mean you were focused on something else you considered more relevant at the time. If you feel you want to explain this, sketch out your reasoning. You can even include relevant points of interest you discovered if they fall within the scope of the discussion.
Above all, be confident in your choices. If the person asking the question can see your thinking, they will be more likely to judge you favourably on expertise and approach. Even if your thinking was a bit flawed at the time, you can demonstrate a keenness to absorb guidance that furthers your professional capabilities.
Honesty and Trustworthiness
One final point to remember is that declaring a knowledge gap is part of your professional duty of care. In which case, simply saying “I don’t know” is effective communication because it is a clear response that the questioner will understand instantly.
If you try to cover up your knowledge gap with a guess or mistruth, you run the risk that someone will act on it. If this leads to an unsatisfactory outcome that wastes time and money, then the questioner is going to wish you had said “I don’t know”.
Impact Factory runs
One and Two-Day Communication Skills Courses
Tailored Communication Skills Training
Five-Day Elite Communicate With Impact Workshops
and personalised
One-to-One Communication Skills Training
for anyone interested in Communication Skills
