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Assertiveness Training - Stand Up For Yourself
Do you have a reputation as the "Nice Girl" or "Nice Guy"?
If someone asks you to do something, do you smile and say "Yes" even if you don't want to, just because you want the other person to like you?
I know the feeling.
For example, years ago I had a boyfriend who would often ask me what movie I wanted to see. I'd say, "I don't care." But deep down, I did care.
He'd pick a movie, usually one that I didn't want to see, but I went along with it anyway. Then I'd be miserable at the movie and resent him because he didn't guess what movie I wanted to see.
It was unfair to him.
I realize now I was causing a lot of unnecessary stress for myself. I was eating excessively, stuffing my feelings down with food instead of expressing them honestly...as it was my privilege to do as a human being.
So I want to ask you...are you expressing yourself assertively? Here are three questions to ask to find out:
1. Can you say 'No' without guilt?
If you are in a position to do so, I want you to say the word, "No" out loud. Did the world come crashing down around you?
Chances are, it didn't!
The reason the ability to say no is so important is this: Your time on earth is limited. You have things to do and only a limited amount of time to do them in. If you are busy saying "yes" to the wrong things, you will not have time left to say "yes" to the right things.
Before you can say 'No' without guilt, you have to be clear about the things that are important to you.
For example, self-care is very important. However, if your schedule is so packed that you haven't left time for that and doing things that bring you joy, then something is wrong. You need to look at your day and figure out the things that you need to eliminate to have time for the things you value.
Everyone may not like it, but it's your life and you deserve to live it in the way that suits you best.
2. Do you set boundaries with people?
Ever heard the saying, "Give an inch and some people will take a mile"? It is so true! You do one thing for certain people out of kindness and they came back to you with a list of 10 more. Or you loan them money because they said they were in danger of being kicked out of their apartment. Two months later, they are back...only this time, they need rent money and the car payment too.
Here are some words to live by and I think Dr. Phil said them: We teach people how to treat us. If someone has treated you in a disrespectful manner and you don't say anything, then you have just told that person that it is okay to continue doing it. You must speak up and tell people when they have crossed the line. You can do it in private, and do it respectfully but it must be done. Otherwise, resentment will pile up and probably explode.
3. Do you state your opinions without apology?
On this point, I am not talking about being obnoxious.
But don't say "I don't know" or "I don't care" if asked for your opinion when you really do. It's disrespectful to yourself when you lie like that.
I believe it diminishes your confidence and sends a message to yourself and others that you aren't important.
It seems like a small thing but it makes a big difference in your self-esteem and the way you manage your weight and health.
Kimberly Floyd is an author, certified wellness coach, and the CEO of Take Back Your Temple, which offers books, multimedia, seminars and wellness coaching to help others reach their perfect weight using Christian weight loss principles. Once 240 pounds and a size 22, Kim lost 85 pounds and went from a size 22 to an 8 so she knows about weight issues from the inside out.
Her story has been featured in Prevention Magazine, Essence Magazine, and on CBN's The 700 Club. She is the author of the eBook 'Take Back Your Temple: How to Achieve Healthy Weight Loss God's Way' and 'MoneyWise Weight Loss: The Faith-based Plan for Building a Better Body on a Budget'.
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