1) Listen without judgement
The key to good communication is listening well.
Save your judging for later after you have heard and understood what was said.
2) Listen with the willingness to be swayed to the other person's opinion
No obligation to actually being swayed, but stay open to the option.
3) Listen without thinking about what you will say next
Take time before you respond.
4) Do not be invested in being right
Being right is not the point.
If you must be right, you are not able to listen nor communicate because you have set up a barrier already.
If you are always right that means the other person is always wrong.
That cannot be true.
5) If your mind wanders, ask for repetition
We all are subject to distraction.
Try to stay focused.
6) In all cases repeat back what you heard and ask if it is correct.
Everyone needs to feel they have been heard before they are willing to listen to anything you have to say.
7) Listen to yourself
Find quiet moments and pay attention to what you are hearing from yourself.
Does your body tighten up about certain issues?
Body language is not something to read only in other people.
8) Say it honestly, but with consideration for the listener's feelings
Be polite, respectful and sincere.
9) Neither Black nor White
Understand and acknowledge that most things are not black or white, but somewhere in a grey area
Get comfortable with grey.
10) Have integrity and build trust
Don't say what you don't mean.
Don't promise what you won't or can't fulfil.
Follow through with any commitments you make.
Good listening skills take practice. Specific coaching may be necessary if you find you have communication issues with your boss, colleagues, subordinates, partners or personal relationships.
This article was contributed by Dorene Lehavi, PhD
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