20 Helpful Assertiveness Tips

20 Helpful Assertiveness Tips

Twenty strategies and approaches to get your needs met in the most effective manner!

Here are our Top 20 Helpful Assertiveness Tips

Twenty strategies and approaches to get your needs met in the most effective manner.

Most of us know that assertiveness will get you further in life than being passive or aggressive.

But few of us were actually taught how to be assertive.

Here are some helpful tips.

  1. Choose the Right Time
  2. Choose the Right Place
  3. Be Direct
  4. Say “I,” Not “We.”
  5. Be Specific
  6. Use Body Language to Emphasise Your Words
  7. Confirm Your Request
  8. Stand Up For Yourself
  9. Be Friendly
  10. Express Your Opinions Honestly
  11. Share Your Experiences and Opinions
  12. Learn to Accept Kind Words
  13. Eye Contact
  14. Don’t Get Personal
  15. Use “I” Statements
  16. State What You Want
  17. Look for Good Examples
  18. Start Slowly
  19. Reward Yourself
  20. Don’t Put Yourself Down

1. Choose the Right Time

Imagine you’re dashing down the hall on your way to a meeting.

Lisa passes by.

You call out,

“Can you have the Microsoft project out by Tuesday?”

Because you haven’t scheduled a special time to bring up the issue, Lisa has no reason to think your request deserves high priority.

2. Choose the Right Place

Discuss important issues in a private, neutral location.

3. Be Direct

For example

“Lisa, I would like you to work overtime on the Microsoft project.”

Whether or not Lisa likes your request, she respects you for your directness.

4. Say “I,” Not “We.”

Instead of saying

“We need the project by Tuesday”

say

“I would like you to finish the project by Tuesday”

5. Be Specific

Instead of

“Put a rush on the Microsoft project”

say

“I would like the Microsoft project finished and on Joe’s desk by 9:00 Tuesday morning.”

6. Use Body Language to Emphasise Your Words

“Lisa, I need that report Tuesday morning”

This is an assertive statement. But if you mumble this statement while staring at the floor, undermines any assertiveness in your message.

7. Confirm Your Request

Ask your staff to take notes at meetings.

At the end of each meeting, ask your group to repeat back the specifics that were agreed upon.

This minimises miscommunication.

8. Stand Up For Yourself

Don’t allow others to take advantage of you.

Insist on being treated fairly.

Here are a few assertiveness examples:

  • “I was here first”
  • “I’d like more coffee, please”
  • “Excuse me, but I have another appointment”
  • “Please turn down the radio”
  • “This steak is well done, but I asked for medium-rare”

9. Be Friendly

Learn to be friendly with people you would like to know better.

Do not avoid people because you don’t know what to say.

Smile at people.

Convey that you are happy to see them.

10. Express Your Opinions Honestly

When you disagree with someone, do not pretend to agree.

When you are asked to do something unreasonable, ask for an explanation.

20 Helpful Assertiveness Tips

11. Share Your Experiences and Opinions

When you have done something worthwhile, let others know about it.

12. Learn to Accept Kind Words

When someone compliments you, say

“Thank you”

13. Eye Contact

Maintain eye contact when you are in a conversation.

14. Don’t Get Personal

When expressing annoyance or criticism, comment on the person’s behaviour rather than attacking the person.

For example:

“Please don’t talk to me that way”

rather than

“What kind of jerk are you?”

15. Use “I” Statements

When commenting on another’s behaviour use “I” statements

For example:

“When you cancel social arrangements at the last minute, it’s extremely inconvenient and I feel really annoyed.”

16. State What You Want

If appropriate, ask for another behaviour.

“I think we’d better sit down and try to figure out how we can make plans together and cut down on this kind of problem.”

17. Look for Good Examples

Pay attention to assertive people and model your assertive behaviour after theirs.

18. Start Slowly

Express your assertiveness in low-anxiety situations at first; don’t leap into a highly emotional situation until you have more confidence.

Most people don’t learn new assertiveness skills overnight.

Practice saying no in situations with few consequences.

19. Reward Yourself

Reward yourself each time you push yourself to formulate an assertive response.

Do this regardless of the response from the other person.

20. Don’t Put Yourself Down

Don’t put yourself down when you behave passively or aggressively.

Instead, identify where you went off course and learn how to improve.

Garrett Coan is a professional therapist, coach, and psychotherapist.

Listen to – David Mitchel Talking to Jo Ellen Grzyb about Assertiveness

Find the – Benefits of Being Assertive

Read – Assertive Communication – 5 Tips For Effective Use

20 Helpful Assertiveness Tips

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