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Stress Management Training Skills and DevelopmentSee Stress Management - Are You Under Pressure? Find the next available Open Stress Management Skills Course And next available Open Assertiveness Skills Course Or next available Open Time Management Course You might also be interested in the next available Open Personal Impact Course Read the article called Stress and Pressure For a practical approach to Saying No see Assertiveness Skills - The Art of Saying No For an in depth look at Assertiveness Skills read Is Assertiveness the Only Way If you want to know more about our training programmes have a look at our Communication Skills Key Issues page Stress Management Training Skills and Development |
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Stress Management for Christmas
Impact Factory runs tailored
Stress Management programmes
We also run Public Stress Management Courses
and personalised One-to-One Executive Coaching
for anyone who is interested in Stress Management Issues
Will it be Christmas Heaven or Christmas Hell?
Perfect Christmases are the stuff of dreams and fairy tales. In reality, family members descend, some of whom you love, some of whom you can barely stomach, some of whom you hardly ever see at all, and your fantasies about how lovely it's going to be can go straight out the window.
Stress Management
It's easy to make the mistake of planning everything else but forgetting the "human element". You know what wine to buy, what tablecloth to iron, what china to use, but I bet you don't spend an equal amount of time (if any) creating a strategy for your sometimes trained relationships, especially in your role as host. Instead, your time is probably spent worrying about what will happen and replaying disasters from years past.
Christmas is less than a month away and now is the prefect time to start planning how to survive. In my experience, people generally leave the "emotional" issues to the last minute and never really deal with them effectively. It's no good hoping people will magically change all on their own. They won't. Someone has to do things a bit differently in order to get the ball rolling and it may as well be you.
Here are some tips to help bring a little heaven into what, for many, can often be a hellish day:
Decide how long you want the family to stay...and tell them
Christmas Day can seem endless if you not only have to do lunch but also cope with everyone hanging around (after the obligatory damp walk) waiting for tea. If you're happy to play host all day long, fine, but if you aren't, don't stew waiting for people to take the hint; let them know in advance that you're delighted they'll be coming for lunch but this year you're going to have a quiet evening and it would be great if they all left by 4pm.
Give everyone a job
When family and friends arrive things can become utter chaos and you could end up frazzled, exhausted and cross. Start making a list now of tasks that each person could do: Mum, I'd love it if you made the soup this year, Aunt Amanda and Uncle Robert, you're in charge of setting the table, brother Nick, you can rearrange the drawing room furniture, niece Anna, your job is to make sure the fire is well stoked with logs, and so on.
You don't have to finish everything
Your guests don't have to enter the "ideal" home. Let them take part. They won't do it the way you would, but does that really matter? The idea is to get all your family and guests engaged in the day instead of plopping themselves down and expecting you to do it all.
Take a break
A personal favourite. When families get together it often seems as though old arguments get repeated and old resentments get played out. You may rise to the bait and get hooked into another going-nowhere quarrel or else just see the inside while smiling nicely. When the going gets tough my advice is to get out of the line of fire instead of trying to fight back, get defensive or repeat the same tired words you're all used before.
Make a cup of tea and retreat to a quiet bedroom, have a silent scream and punch a few cushions. Take a very long loo break.
See your family for who they are, not how you wish them to be
If you can do this one, then you earn the right to polish your halo - you're definitely on the way to Family Heaven.
I don't actually know what "normal" is, but many people seem to yearn for a picture-perfect, "normal" family, and they quite simply don't exist. You have your quirks and idiosyncrasies, many of which get up other people's noses, just as theirs get up yours.
When you let go of expectations, which are simply fantasies, after all, then you can allow some of your family members to be their eccentric, pain-in-the-butt selves and not let it bother you quite so much. When one of your cousins does that thing that absolutely annoys you, imagine your best friend doing the same thing and you'll realise that it probably wouldn't bother you nearly as much.
Seeing the funny side of other people's irritating behaviour can lighten your mood and make the day far more pleasant for yourself.
And if you don't think you'll be able to do any of this, book a skiing holiday or a week in the sun and let someone else in the family play host for a change.
Family Heaven Family Hell by Jo Ellen Grzyb, is published by Fusion Press (10.99)
