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Assertiveness Skills Training and DevelopmentSee the Assertiveness Training page for more information on how our programmes deal with Assertiveness Training. Find the next available Open Assertiveness Skills Course And the next available Open Communication Skills Course You might also be interested in the next available Open Personal Impact Course For a practical approach to Saying No see Assertiveness Skills - The Art of Saying No For an in depth look at Assertiveness Skills read Is Assertiveness the Only Way If you want to know more about our training programmes have a look at our Communication Skills Key Issues page Assertiveness Skills Training and Development |
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Assertiveness Training - Aggressive or Passive
Impact Factory runs tailored
Assertiveness Training programmes
We also run Public Assertiveness Training Courses
and personalised One-to-One Executive Coaching
for anyone who is interested in Assertiveness Issues
The following article was contributed by Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator and Family Coach.
Aggressive, Assertive or Passive?
Assertiveness is a method of communication that lets others know your ideas and feelings, while respecting their feelings as well...
Assertiveness
Assertiveness is a method of communication that lets others know your ideas and feelings, while respecting their feelings as well.
A person behaving aggressively states her feelings directly, but she violates the rights of others. For example, suppose a neighbour asks you to baby-sit her four children and you don't want to.
An aggressive response would be to say, "No, I won't baby-sit. You just drop the kids off and don't come back when you say you will and so I end up cancelling my plans.
And besides your kids are brats and don't know how to be quiet when my shows are on." While all of this may be true, your aggressive response may anger your neighbour or hurt her feelings.
Aggressive behaviour often produces the desired outcomeat least for the moment. Releasing feelings of anger or frustration can sometimes give a person a sense of control in the situation.
If, however, a person continually ignores the feelings of others, she may find herself alone and un-liked.
Assertive Response
An Assertive answer would be honest and direct, but not disrespectful. One such response might be, "No, I'm sorry I can't baby-sit today.
If you need me to help you out in the future, I need to have at least a few days notice so I can fit it into my schedule. I would also need you to work with me to reinforce the rules of my house with the children."
Assertiveness allows individuals to feel good about having expressed their needs, thoughts, or feelings and about making their own choices. Assertive behaviour also produces desired results more often.
This Assertiveness skill takes practice. By expressing yourself in ways that don't put down or offend others. You are more likely to make your point. Likewise, making your feeling known, instead of keeping them hidden, lets others know where they stand.
Assertiveness vs Passiveness
When you respond passively, you avoid immediate conflict, but you may be upset and resentful because you haven't expressed your true feelings. A passive response would be to cancel your own plans and take care of the kids.
Just because you give in to someone else doesn't always mean you've not been assertive. It could mean you've made a conscious choice in yielding. Or, it could be because you honestly agree with the other person.
Being passive refers to consistently doing things you don't want to.
How good are you at communicating your needs? Do you let people know how you're feeling? Or do you expect them to get that information from reading your mind?
If your words say one thing and your body language says another, people will remember and believe the non-verbal clues.
Verbal language is the language of information
Non-verbal language is the language of relationships
Judy H. Wright, Parent Educator and Family Coach
