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Conflict Management and Difficult PeopleCopyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way.
and Open Conflict Management Courses for anyone who wants to improve their Conflict Management Skills Conflict Management Skills TrainingCopyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Find the next available Open Conflict Management Course Conflict Management and Difficult PeopleCopyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. 'It's not my fault!' Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Most of the things that happen when communication goes wrong are usually the other guy's fault. Like driving a car: 'I'm a good driver; it's all the other idiots who don't know what they're doing.' Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Indeed, not only is it the other guy's fault, but if that person would only change, my life would be great. If he/she would just listen to what I'm saying, return my calls, be more patient, see things my way, understand where I'm coming from, then we would get on just fine, thank you very much. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. This is kind of what happens with most of us around conflict and people we find difficult. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Inside our heads, that is. Our thoughts go round and round and round as we inwardly accuse the other person of all sorts of nefarious deeds. We also make long mental tick lists of what the other person needs to change in order for there to be less conflict. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Not only that, because we know just how everyone else should behave around us, when they don't (and do things we don't like), we're quite capable of thinking that they're doing it deliberately. How could they not know that what they're doing is upsetting to me? Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. These are the kinds of thoughts that are swimming around inside our brains when we're dealing with awkward people. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. On the outside it's usually quite a different story. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Here are a few of the options that people take around conflict and difficult people:
Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. None of these strategies help in any way to resolve conflict or deal with our difficult person effectively. They are designed to make us feel better, or at least justified in our feelings and actions, but they don't change the situation and they most certainly will make it worse. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way.
Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. If you find someone rubs you up the wrong way, someone who you find really difficult to deal with, then it is almost certainly about you and not them. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Yes, the world every once in a while throws up someone who is universally recognised as difficult. But for the most part, if you have a problem with someone, look to yourself first, instead of immediately placing the blame on him or her for being difficult, and the onus on them to change to make it better for you. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Get this: they are not responsible for how you feel - you are! Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. If you make them responsible for how you feel, you give them a whole lot of power, and you can easily make yourself a victim to them. Under these circumstances, they are in control of the relationship, whether they know it or not (or even want it or not). Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way.
Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. When it comes to defining difficult people, it's completely subjective. One person's difficult person is another person's friend. You might be the only one in the office who doesn't get on with this 'monster'; alternatively, you might be the only one who does. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way.
Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Here's something else even more startling to think about. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. You are someone's difficult person. Yes you are. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. We all are. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Someone, somewhere finds each of us really difficult to deal with. Just as in the above example at Impact Factory, it can feel quite disturbing to recognise that someone else thinks we are a problem. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Inside ourselves we think we're OK. When we look out at the world through the filter of our own eyes, it can be very hard sometimes to 'see' that the world looks very different to someone else. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. That in turn makes it difficult for us to 'see' that they approach communication differently as well. When we expect other people to treat the world the way we do: to be attuned to the things we are attuned to; to respond the way we do. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. When this doesn't happen; when someone else's communication style seems diametrically opposed to our own, then real conflict will come to pass and we may find it hard to know what to do. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. First let's look at you. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. How are you difficult? What do you do that might get up someone's nose or that they might find problematic? We're not saying they're 'right'. We just want you to give some thought to the fact that there are people out there who find you just as difficult as you find your difficult person. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Given that it's you and not them; given that you are someone else's difficult person, how likely is it that you're going to get a personality transplant and become how they might wish you to behave? Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Pretty unlikely. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. In turn, how likely is it that your difficult person is going to go out, get a personality transplant, and become how you want them to be? Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Equally unlikely. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. If things stay like this, you get to maintain the status quo, but you're still no closer to resolving conflict, are you? Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way.
Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Yes, in all of this there really is good news. Earlier we mentioned that the more you make your difficult person responsible for how you feel, the more power they have in the relationship. If you do nothing to change the current dynamic you stay passive and let things happen to you. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. You have the power to change the communication. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. By change the communication, we mean change what you do and what you say. What you do, what you say and how you say it will all create changes in the dynamic between you and other person. You may not always get what you want, but you will certainly be in charge of what happens between the two of you. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Here are some things you could try to help resolve conflict and help you get on better with your problem person.
Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way.
Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. You are always going to have difficult people in your life. You'll find people difficult; someone else will find you difficult. However, with a bit of practise you can ensure that they don't rule your life, your thoughts, your feelings. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. You might even get to the place where you initiate conflict just so that you can get to a resolution! Conflict Management and Difficult People Skills Training and Development |
Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way.
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Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Conflict Management and Difficult People Skills training and Development 
Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way.
Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way. |
Copyright © 2003 Impact Factory. All rights reserved. No part of this article may be reproduced in any form without the prior permission of the copyright holder. The PDF version of this article may be downloaded, printed and distributed freely as long as it is not modified in any way.
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