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Negotiation Skills

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"Heads I win, tails you lose."  That's the way to handle negotiations, isn't it?

Well, no.  Good negotiation isn't about winning and it isn't about someone else losing.  Good negotiations are about both sides leaving feeling they got what they wanted, or at least better off than when they went in.

Unsuccessful negotiations are when either side feels they've compromised too much, given way when they didn't want to, felt undue pressure; felt threatened; made sacrifices they didn't want to.

In those situations the other party might believe they've won and go away feeling good about themselves; but that's not really successful negotiation.  They may have won, but the other party will never trust them again and may not want to repeat the experience.  As the clich says, they may have won the battle, but they won't have won the war.

Indeed, negotiations can often feel like war (more on the differing types of negotiations below), which is why there is an inevitable expectation of win/lose in so many of them.

Well, we at Impact Factory believe that the best negotiation skills dont have to have such an inevitability about them.

It钒s never the same twice

There are many good books written about negotiating.  A lot of them hold the view that there is a right or good way to run negotiations; that there is a model you can follow that will get you better solutions.  This view may be a good starting point, however, there are several flaws to this way of thinking.

Firstly negotiations are never the same twice.  Sometimes they are not even similar.

Even if you have to go back and deal with the same person about the same issue, it will be different.  Time will have passed, things will have shifted, something new might now be involved.

Secondly negotiators are never the same twice.  Even when you get the same person they could well be in a different mood.  You could be in a different mood. One or both of you may have re-thought your position and, furthermore, you are almost certainly not a standard, regulation model human being with no idiosyncrasies and foibles.

Finally, things should change.  You know how the press bleats on and on about political u-turns, as though they were a sign of weakness?  Well, they aren't.  Changing your mind is part of being an idiosyncratic, real person, therefore negotiations can change in mid-stream and become something completely different from where they started.

Know why youre there

Now, not only are negotiations and negotiators different, the reasons for entering into a negotiation can differ widely as well.

There are at the very least five types of negotiation that most people will be involved with in both their personal and their working lives:

Adversarial: fight, opposite ends, polarisation.
In this type of negotiation it can feel as though you need to go in armed and armoured; well defended and prepared for a fight.

Consensual: team model.
In this type of negotiation it feels more like give and take, a co-operative working out of strategy, roles and rewards.

Non-adversarial:  everyone has an interest in making it work.
Here negotiation is often about whats the best way to arrive at a mutually agreed outcome.

Brainstorming:  talking issues through, a drains-up.
With this type of negotiation people bat around ideas to see whats there, what needs to be done and whos to do what.

Diplomatic:  sensitive issues that need to be handled as though walking through a minefield.

With diplomatic negotiations there are usually hidden agendas and a need to be aware of the politics and ramifications of any decisions made.

We know that people will sometimes go into one kind of negotiation, discovering as they go along that its quite another.  For instance, weve recently seen a team meeting disintegrate into mayhem because one person came along anticipating a fight (and therefore creating one), when everyone else was expecting co-operation.  It took a lot of diplomacy to get it back on track!

The thing is, these five types of negotiation are neither right nor wrong.  There cant be a right or wrong when it comes to negotiations.  What's important is that you know why youre entering into a particular negotiation and that you prepare for what you might encounter along the way.  Youre never going to be able to second-guess everything.

Develop your own approach

Really good negotiators are able to read the other person/people.  They are able to let go of their positions, giving up one want and choosing another.  They can take the role of an Objective Observer, retaining a calm, inner state of mind.  They can fight tooth and nail and yet lose with good grace when necessary.

Though this may be something you aspire to it is certainly not the place to start.

Start with the idea that its a game.  And in the game there are a few rules and some skills that you can learn.  However like all games it's more about tactics and playing to your strengths.

Before we get into that lets say a word about "good" negotiating.  Any advice that starts with "It's a good idea" is likely to be of little help in the heat of a negotiation unless it happens by chance to fit in with your personal rules and patterns.

Heres an example.  "It's a good idea to pitch your opening price a little above what you are willing to settle for".  Sounds good?  Not if you're negotiating style is to stick to your guns or give way too soon it's not.
What would be a good idea is to start with what your negotiating style is and work from there.  Notice we don't say "Define your strengths and weaknesses" or "Work out what you do well and use that".  No.  Just work out the patterns and rules you follow when negotiating.

If you realise that you habitually either fight too hard and refuse to give way or give in too easily, then you can create some additional rules of you own that will help you immensely.

For instance, you could decide to set your opening price too high and then give them anything they ask for, or you could set your price too low and then not give them anything.

Because it suits your style you will be happy working this way.  What's more you will be happy even if it goes wrong.  In the first instance, you could get more than you thought you would; and in the second you will probably lose work from someone who doesnt value your services very highly.

What if negotiating were about giving away as much as you possibly could, without feeling unhappy about it?  What do you have, that you're willing to give away, that the other side wants?  What pressures can you bring to bear that won't feel like pressure, but rather will feel more like good hard bargaining.

Fighting, Winning and Losing

Fight:  Negotiation can both look like and feel like a fight.  It is two-way and indeed there may be more coming at you, than you are offering the other way.  You need to define your personal context for fighting.

Seeing:  The best skill you can have is one of seeing:  how well you see other people; how well you can see whats going on for them and for yourself.  This is all about reading people, picking up their signals.

If you begin to treat it as a game, then it becomes something you learn to play.  You play to your strengths and you play hard.  You play to win knowing that sometimes you will lose.  Its important that you care about winning and it is equally important that you dont show that you care.  Care about it, but dont display it.  Cry about it later.

And on the subject of winning, a win can look different depending on your position.

Resolution       Feelings

I win You lose       Wounding / Triumphal

You win I lose       Triumphal / Wounding

No one wins       Frustrating

We both lose       Depressing

We both win       Reinforcing

We get to go round again     Useless Helplessness

I have to convert you to my point of view   Feeling pressured / bullied
 
Rules

All of us are different.  We have different personalities, different styles and attitudes, different foibles and prejudices.  If you base your approach to negotiations on someone elses style (i.e. to try and do it the way you should based on someone elses rules) youll most likely come unstuck.  Better to write your own rules.

For instance, going back to our original example, if you know you always give in too quickly on price, rather than learning to be a tougher negotiator, turn your weakness to your advantage.  Make it one of your rules to always set the opening price too high so that when you give in too easily (as you know you will) you will arrive at a price you are happy with.

Heres an exercise on rules we find useful.

We suggest this work is done in pairs.

On flip charts, list some of the rule or myths you have heard or that you personally follow around negotiations.

Add to the list rules you have for other people (i.e. things that you expect or insist that the other side does)

Mark which rules support you; which get in the way?

Every rule has some kind of behaviour attached to it.

So, first pick a rule that you know really works for you.

Then identify the behaviour you might associate with that rule.

Then see if you, you can create a strategy to make use of it.

For example:

I believe things should always be honest and clear from the outset; therefore I always clarify what has been agreed.  My strategy to take advantage of this is to always take several copies of our terms and conditions with me.

Now pick a rule that you know doesnt really work for you.

Then identify the behaviour you might associate with that rule.

Then see if you, you can create a strategy to turn it into a strength.

For example:

I believe things should always be fair; therefore I often give away something that I regret later just because they have given me something I want.  My strategy to deal with this is to decide on one or two things I wont regret giving away before I start the negotiation.

 
Negotiating checklist

The following list is a useful guide to preparation you might do, and questions you might ask yourself before getting into negotiation.

Who are the clients?

What is their history? / Where are they coming from?

Which specific people will be there?

If it is a non-specific meeting how many will be attending?

What specific issues do they or we have?

Why do they want me at this meeting?
Why do I want to be at this meeting?

What is the set Agenda?

Is there any subtext or hidden agenda?

What is my bottom line position?

What do I really want out of the meeting?

What am I willing to give away?

What are my best skills?

What aces do I have up my sleeve?

Do I have a good idea of the big picture?

 
Negotiation Practise

As a warm up you might set up a simple exercise where in pairs people practise the different types of negotiation and resolution.  You could use a very simple scenario such as negotiating whos going to make the tea.  Make the exercise fast-paced and relatively short.

The longer exercise is useful to practise your approach and style to negotiation.  You will need to run it with a group of willing people!

Decide upon and set up the parameters for a negotiation meeting.

Who are the parties?
What is being negotiated?
What is the history between the two parties?
Anything else that should be known to both parties

For Instance:

One party is a training company and the other is a pharmaceutical company.  Whats being negotiated is a new contract to supply advanced sales training.  The clients have used the training company in the past for basic sales training and have generally been pleased with the work, but now feel their sales team needs to make a marked improvement.

Divide the group in two and cast the client side and the home team.

The home team goes into a second room and the client side stays in the room and decides their position and strategy.

For instance:

The client has been looking around and asking other companies to tender because theyve been getting pressure from their MD to be vigilant about costs and the need to set higher sales targets.

They may decide their strategy has to be:  Were going to be strong on our need for value for money and will want clear accounting and a sense of being an important client.

The home team has to do the following:

Choose what they want from the meeting.

 In our example, they want a new contract.

However, their hidden agenda might be:  they are a bit hungry about getting this contract because a major client cancelled work they had expected to get.

Have them make a list of points to cover and what they want to come away with.

For instance, points to cover could be:

Review of the previous training.
Ensuring they have a clear idea of what the client wants.
What they know theyll be able to deliver.
The strengths of the delivery team
The comprehensive programme they will design.
The after care they offer.

What the home team wants to go away with:

A verbal agreement for a contract
Having the client feel well-taken-care-of

Then have them decide three things.

1. Their bottom line (the thing you wont leave the meeting without).

2. What they know they are going to give way on.

3. Something they are willing to give away under pressure.

Run the meeting until a resolution is reached and then de-brief it.

Things for the home team to pay attention to:

 How well they are able to really listen to the client.
 Whether they get stuck in trying to convince rather than negotiate.
 Whether they were able to hold a firm position without alienating the client.
 What holes (if any) did they dig for themselves and whether they were able to get out of them.
 Did they have to rethink their position at any time during the meeting.

If you have time, you could re-run the meeting a number of times to practise doing things differently.

As in all Impact Factory work, we think good recovery is far more important than getting it right the first time, or even getting it right at all!  Using the approach outlined here you can start to develop a negotiation style that is easy to do and works well for you.