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Getting Your Own Way

That's a pretty arrogant thing to want isn't it? To get my own way. How is that about influencing?

Well, there are a couple of ways to get your own way. One is the bullying, aggressive, forcing your way in approach. It might work, though you'll probably leave a trail of destruction in your wake. The other is far more subtle, requires finesse, insight and an ability to choose what's appropriate for each situation you want to influence.

The reality is, we all want to get our own way. We have what we think are really good ideas, or have projects that we believe need to get done, or methods we know are workable. The job we then may have is to convince others and get them on board.

Now sometimes, the way is very clear; other people are willing and supportive, and the project gets completed, one, two, three.

A lot of the time it isn't so straight-forward. Other people have more urgent priorities, they have no vested interest in your outcomes, they're resistant for any number of reasons, they may not even know you exist. So how do you get your own way in the face of any of that? Here's our take on how.

Influencing

There is no right way, nor is there only one way to influence. Everything, but everything, can be an influencing factor. We are, all of us, influenced by people, places, events and situations at all times. Sometimes we are affected more, sometimes less, but we are continually being influenced by what happens around us.

So what can be said specifically about influencing in the workplace? Many jobs require you to influence people just about all of the time. It may take the form of gaining support, inspiring others, persuading other people to become your champions, engaging someone's imagination, creating relationships.

Whatever form it takes, if you can get to be good at it you will make your job easier.

Interestingly, other people like to be around people who use their influencing skills well. There's a kind of exciting buzz, or sense that things happen when they're about.

This is simply because they don't sit around wishing things were different whilst moaning there's nothing they can do about it. They don't sit around blaming others or complaining about what needs fixing to make things better. They see what needs doing and set about getting it done.

Influencing arenas

People influence in many different ways. Being able to influence in one arena, doesn't necessarily mean you'll be able to in another. For instance, you might be great one-to-one when talking to colleagues, getting them on-board a project or helping you complete something last minute. But put you in front of a roomful of people with the same message and you become a human replica of a piece of wood without a skill to your name.

 
There are obviously more, but we have defined four types of Influencing which seem to be particularly relevant in the workplace.

Leading:   As a public figure, businessperson, head of a group, club, etc.
In this arena you are highly visible; you may set policy; you have to motivate others; you have to have an excellent grasp of the big picture.

Internal:   Co-operative, working with peers, teams, families, socially.
In this arena you are balancing different people's needs, wants and skills. You are supporting and encouraging. You are working for a joint aim.

One-to-one: Coaching, mentor, peer group.
In this arena skills used are often empathy, understanding, gentle persuasion, getting the other person to see new possibilities.

Maverick:  Pressure groups, lobbying.
This area is often one-issue focused. You may be trying to get others to take on board something quite specific. People might even comment that you have a 'bee in your bonnet'. You often have to be very focused and have a passionate belief in your 'cause'.

Think for a minute about the ways in which you influence. Where do you do most of your influencing? When are you most effective? What skills and tools do you already use?

Conversely, which tools and skills do you find harder to use? Where have you been least effective, and what was missing?

Whatever area you work in, influencing is the ability to 'work' a dynamic, whether it's a large group, one to one or over the phone. By 'working' the dynamic, we mean using everything at your disposal, both verbal and non-verbal communication, to create the impact you want, rather than letting things just happen.

It's not just one thing

Truly excellent influencing skills require a healthy combination of interpersonal, communication, presentation and assertiveness techniques, and the insight and understanding of which skills to use and when.

It requires that you are able to adapt and modify your personal style when you become aware of the affect you are having on other people, while still being true to yourself. What is important is the ability to change your behaviour and attitude, not changing who you are or how you feel and think.

You may try to exert your influence through coercion and manipulation. You might even succeed in getting things done that way; but that isn't really influencing. It's forcing people to do what you want, often against their will. You will rarely succeed in winning support this way.

Pushing, bullying, bludgeoning or haranguing DO NOT WORK! Like elephants, people will remember the experience.

Indeed, if you force someone to do something you want, without taking his or her point of view into consideration, then you will leave a lasting impression on that person. This may then be how they will see you forever. You're stuck with it, and you will have to do a great deal of remedial influencing work in order to be seen differently.
 
Real influencing skills are far subtler and fairer than that: they require that powerful mix of interpersonal and communication skills plus an ability to get other people to want to support you.
People are far more willing to come halfway (or more) if they feel acknowledged, understood and appreciated. They may even end up doing or agreeing to something they wouldn't previously have done because they feel good about making the choice.

Influencing is about understanding yourself and the effect or impact you have on others. Though it can, on occasion, be one way, it is primarily a two-way relationship. It is about changing how others perceive you. In other words, what you're dealing with here is the old clich "perception is reality". It makes perfect sense in the context of influencing.

It doesn't matter what's going on internally for you - if it isn't perceived by the other person, then it doesn't exist, other than in your mind.

You could be doing the most brilliant presentation you've ever created, but if you haven't brought your 'audience' with you, the brilliance is wasted. Bringing them with you can only be done when you are able to see what's going on for them, which will be different, however much you may have in common.

They aren't you

Intellectually, you know that no two people see the world the same way. Emotionally, however, it can be a whole different ball game. Emotionally, what you want is that the scales will fall from the other person's eyes and they will suddenly see how right you were all along.

When you try to influence someone whose view of the world is so strange (because it isn't yours), the tendency is to try to get them to see what you see. When they don't, most of us just keep trying harder to make them see it our way. Sort of like the Englishman abroad who just shouts louder in English in the hopes that the 'foreigner' will understand.

We are all 'foreigners' to someone else. And as much as you can be frustrated by someone not understanding what it is you are trying to put across, so they too are frustrated by your inability to understand their point of view.

Rule of thumb: if you've tried twice to explain something and they still haven't got it, you are not talking the same language. To influence, you will have to try something different!

At Impact Factory we think one of the most essential skills any influencer needs is the ability to see what the other person is seeing. People who can do this have developed the ability to give up, even if only momentarily, their position or point of view, in order to see the other person's. Once you really "get it" that no matter how similar someone may seem to you, they don't see things the way you do, your ability to influence them is multiplied a hundredfold.

You can then begin to speak their language instead of shouting at them in yours.

Here's an example

Take IT people. Maybe you are one of these much-maligned people yourself.

You know how it is when something goes wrong with your computer? All you want is that it gets fixed yesterday, your whole working life depends upon it, etc., etc? So you call an IT support person
 
and start to gabble in your panic about how they have to fix your computer right away. From your point of view it's screwed up and all you want is for it to function NOW.

So eventually an IT person comes along. They look at your computer, they play around with it and make it do things you've never seen done before and slowly begin to tell you what's wrong, in great detail; detail you have absolutely no interest in. All you need is your computer up and running; the other person, however, has a burning need to explain, so that you understand, everything that needs to happen before it gets up and running.

You're both obviously talking about computers, but your views of the computing world are so different that you are almost speaking two completely different languages. What will happen in situations like this (and we hear this in just about every company we work with) is an escalation of frustration, because each person is trying to get the other to understand where they're coming from, without taking the other's point of view into account.

That isn't influencing.

OK. So what can you do about it?

Influencing can sometimes be looked at as the ability to 'finesse', almost sleight of hand. The other person isn't prodded into seeing your view of the world, but is persuaded, often unconsciously, into understanding it.

Influencing is about being able to move things forward, without pushing, forcing or telling others what to do.

Now one of the most powerful forces that affecting people's behaviour is the avoidance of humiliation. No one wants to embarrass themselves if they can help it. It's one of the reasons we stick to behaviour we know: at least it usually gets results we're familiar with, and there are no surprises.

So changing your behaviour does entail a certain risk. But if that behaviour change is deliberate, and you have made an effort to see the world from the other person's point of view, then it is possible for humiliation to be avoided on both sides.

When working on behaviour change everyone has a bridge to get over for himself or herself, which is just to do with the appropriateness or "allowability" of choosing behaviour for effect. Many of us feel that people will somehow "see" that we are doing it and we'll get "caught out". Are we being manipulative? Isn't it too calculated?

It is our view that if more people actually took the time to consider the effect of their behaviour, what the other person's terms of reference were and what the desired outcome was, and then chose their behaviour to suit that situation, that would be using influencing skills to their optimum level.

The influencing 'grab bag'

Within the context of influencing, it is important to distinguish between a skill and a 'trick' or tool. A trick is the ability to do something immediately and differently, which will create a different response in the other person. It usually requires minimal thought, analysis or even practise to be able to do well.
 
Simple things such as:

Agreeing with someone so that they feel heard and are therefore more able to hear what you have to say
Doing something physically different like changing your relative position vis vis the other person
Using silence or pauses, rather than leaping to fill the gap

A skill, on the other hand, requires a more in-depth understanding of what's going on for the other person. It requires practise and a lot more conscious thought. Often it requires slowing things right down so that you can see as much of the big picture as is possible.

More complex skills include:

Reading the body language signals of the other person and appropriately changing your attitude
Becoming an 'objective observer' so that you can reflect back what you see and hear is going on for the other person
Noticing the games people play and being able to say what you see really going on without blaming or being the one to 'fix' it (see Death By Meeting)
Dealing with misunderstanding (deliberate or otherwise) without making the other person wrong

However, regardless of whether you are looking at a skill or a tool, what makes you effective is your ability to choose. Sometimes you can get so used to your own personal style or pattern of communicating, that you don't think of how it is being received, and you don't think of behaving in any other way.

Let's take one of those 'tricks' - Agreement - and set it out so you can practise this technique with a colleague. What we'll be looking to demonstrate here is how easy it is to get into polarised arguments with another person, particularly when you have opposing views. This can lead to conflict, frustration and a feeling in each of you that the other person just doesn't understand.

The temptation generally is to keep battering at the other person till they eventually come round to your point of view or you have all out war or you agree to disagree (which gets you absolutely no where and tends to create a catalogue of topics you avoid).

So here is our little trick to turn arguments into conversations and do some bridge-building as well.

First one of you comes up with an idea for something you want to change in the workplace. It doesn't matter what: a new photocopier, a new recruitment plan, a new job-share policy, anything will do, but make it realistic (as opposed to: everyone should get a 50% pay rise). You then tell the idea to your colleague.

That person then comes up with all the reasons it won't work. We tried that last year and it failed. There's no budget. It's unworkable. Senior management will never approve, and so on.

For the first 'round' just keep coming up with all the justifications, counter-arguments and rebuttals you can. You're wrong; of course it will work. But my plan is better than last year's plan. And so on. Let that verbal ping-pong go on for a couple of minutes and do a simple assessment of where it got you. In our experience, trying to convince someone why you're right and they're wrong doesn't usually get very far.

Start the argument again. Introduce the idea, have the other person come up with all the reasons it won't work.
 
Now here's the trick. Listen to what the other person is saying very carefully and wait until they say something that's an incontrovertible fact, however much you disagree with where the other person is coming from. As soon as you hear that fact, agree with it. "You're right, we did try it last year and it didn't work." "You have a good point, it will cost a lot of money." "Yes, there is no budget allocated for new projects."

Agreeing with a fact does not mean you give up your point of view. You are acknowledging only that which is accurate. Saying, "You're right, it didn't work last year", does not mean you think it shouldn't be attempted this year. What we've heard many people say is "Won't agreeing look like caving in?" No! You are not agreeing that this year it will be a waste of time, you are agreeing that last year it didn't work; which is true, it didn't.

After you have agreed with something, zip the lip (keep quiet for a goodly few seconds) and wait to see how the other person responds.

Avoid the 'but-bat', also known as the 'however' or 'and' bat as well. What we mean is after you've agreed, don't immediately come back with: "You're right, but blah blah blah," (In other words, I'm more right than you, really.). It is a bit like giving the other person a gift with one hand (the gift of acknowledging that they do have some sense, and have something sensible to say other than simply disagreeing with you) and whacking them with the other. Let them have their point of view!

What often happens is that having been agreed to (which is kind of like making them an offer), many people will feel compelled to make a return offer. After you see what their response is you can gently introduce the subject again. We can't guarantee what the other person's going to say, but it will move the discussion on in some way because you've stopped the verbal ping-pong.

Pick a buddy and practise this technique a lot.

Here's another model you can practise all on your own.

The 30 Second Influencer

Ever been in one of those situations where there's someone you're really keen to talk to, to present an idea, but they seem elusive and inaccessible? Then one morning you pass them in the corridor and as you quickly try to formulate your thoughts, they've passed you with a brisk hello, and nothing comes out of your mouth.

Or you're at a meeting that's dense with information and you need to say something to get people's attention and keep it for even a short while, but by the time you've figured out what that would be the meeting has moved on.

Or you're making a presentation, which has clearly defined sections and you need something to head each section that will tantalise people so they'll pay attention.

Well, we have just the thing; we call it the 30 Second Influencer, and it's about getting a succinct, powerful message across in half a minute.

 
It works like this. We have 5 headings to help you get clear what you're going to say:

Get their attention
Make it relevant
Give a clear central message
Give an example
Say what you want them to do

Here's how to use it:

Decide your central message first: the key piece of information you want others to get. Here's an example: We need more recycling in Britain.

Then go back to 'Get their attention' and think of a question or an amusing or unusual opening: Rubbish!

Next you need something to connect to the person you're talking to: All of us throw away paper, plastics, bottles and cans every day.

Make your Central Message short and snappy: More recycling will make all that rubbish useful.

Find an example to illustrate your Central Message: Where I live we get a recycling bin from the local council that's emptied once a week.

And, finally (don't duck this one!), tell them what you'd like them to do: Phone or write to your local council and tell them you want a better, more efficient, recycling policy.

Here's a couple of things to note.

If you have more than 60 words, you'll most likely go over 30 seconds. We're not saying you can only give your message in 30 seconds, but we recommend you practise this one a lot (in the privacy of your own home, for instance) so that you become fluent in using the model. Then, of course, you can expand, extemporise, or use it in any way that will make people sit up and listen to you.

We've said it once, but it bears repeating, don't duck out of telling people what you want them to do. It's the area where, so often, the most powerful message dribbles away because you haven't asked anyone to do anything. You just kind of hope that they'll figure it out themselves, and, with no prodding, do it.

Unlikely. Without some gentle pressure, people can applaud your intentions without feeling any obligation to do anything. Telling what you want them to do turns the heat up a little, but also makes it very clear what's expected so there's no ambiguity or fudging the issue.

Having said that, make the final request something that's doable and reasonable. It's far more likely that someone will ring up their council than it is if we asked people to separate all their cans, bottles, plastics and paper and take them to a recycling centre once a week.

The beauty of this model is that its intention is to get people to want more information from you, rather than you giving it to them all in one go. Now that's influencing!

Finally, we want to introduce a concept most people know, but either forget to use or aren't quite sure how to go about it.
 
Spheres of influence

Good influencing skills can be used to identify and enrol others who would be willing to give you access to areas you don't have any direct route to now.

All of us have people we know who comprise our current sphere of influence. Think about it: when you have a project to do or a problem to solve or information to get, it's likely you know almost instantly who you could call upon to get something done or to help you out. You take a direct route to those people to enlist their support.

But what happens when the person or people who could help you out are beyond your reach? There are times when you know who could help you, but they aren't sympathetic, or you don't know how to get directly to them. You may assume they won't be interested or they just have another agenda that's completely different from yours.

Whatever the reason, you've suddenly reached the edge of your sphere of influence and it appears as if you can go no farther. This sometimes feels like a good time to give up and not bother. Or the opposite might be true, and you keep banging your head on the unyielding wall determined you'll break through this time. Far better to spend your energy and effort influencing someone who's already in your current sphere, who may then influence the person who isn't.

Here's an example

We worked with a team of people who had just found out that their budget had been cut by 25% for the following year. Their first reaction was to lodge a protest, demand the cut be reinstated, say it wasn't fair, etc, etc. Then they realised that they had no direct access at all to the people who had cut their budget, who were so far up the hierarchy as to be out of sight. So their second reaction was one of resignation and of trying to manage with the depleted budget.

It looked, on the face of it, like there indeed was nothing they could do. When we worked with them, however, it was to help them identify people they already knew within the organisation who could be enrolled as champions. They determined to be seen by these champions as a department that was "good value for money" and directed their influencing efforts in that direction. What they did was to enrol and empower people who would then be likely to take their message into circles to which they had no access.

And it worked. Because they were operating from a positive position demonstrating their value, other people became more willing to help them out and put their case forward. Their cut wasn't reinstated, but the outcome was that it didn't happen to them again.

To sum up

Good influencing is an active process. It's a confidence and a willingness to use yourself to make things happen. It's using pressure that doesn't feel like coercion. It's being able to see what other people need and choosing what you do to create the outcome you want. It's about creating good feelings in others so they don't duck when they see you ("Oh no, what do they want now?"), but come out to meet you to find out what you've got on the go this time.

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